Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I lost the right to judge tonight
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
