As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
