Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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