Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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