I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
how drunk are you?
Several
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
