He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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