i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
