what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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