I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
