if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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