I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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