You're my little dorito
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
