I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
