Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
