..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
