We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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