I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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