Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
