i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
