You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
