UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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