I cannot find my penis.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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