1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
