Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
