You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I cannot find my penis.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
