i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
