Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
