Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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