I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
