if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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