I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This can only be settled by a dance off.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
