she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
