After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
