i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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