I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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