i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
