WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
