Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
