yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
