Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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