I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Who died my cat blue again?
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