No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
