You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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