Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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