oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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