My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
