wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
