I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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