you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
