I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
