do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
