I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
