I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
